The Cynglish Beat: Reasonable Assumption of Risk

Excerpted from upcoming The Cynglish Beat by Tim Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press.


Woke up,

fell out of bed,

tripped on my shoes

and hit my head.

Now I’m suing negligent NIKE, culpable Sleep Country and

Bob, the guy who installed my bedroom broadloom.

Laughing all the way to the bank and back. Funny as a heart attack.

I got hurt, living my life my way, and someone else deserves to pay.

My cousin, Martha, met a man online at

When he got out,

He broke her heart,

He broke her TV,

And he broke her left arm.

Now Martha is lividly suing her infernal internet service misprovider

and Corrections Canada and her brother…

Because he sent her the URL as a “here’s your next date” joke.

She took it seriously,

but she won’t accept

any responsibility.

Reasonable Assumption of Risk is gone gone gone.

Gone so long it doesn’t seem wrong.

Wrong to freely litigate when you slowly masticate on a broken piece of plate

that you negligently dropped in your salad.

Buy a can of Coke, open it up,

hop on your bike,

bounce it all over ‘til it sprays in your face,

then hit a signpost, take seven stitches

and sue Coca Cola for putting too many bubbles in the can.

Take ownership,

Take a pill,

Take some damned



Ciao for now,



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