Archive for life

Stop Believing in Soul Mates

Posted in My Opinion, love it or leave it with tags , , , on March 23, 2018 by tgmreynolds

In the News this week: A boy murdered a girl because they broke up with him. Then he died from a gunshot wound. While we’re pointing fingers at his father for owning the gun, or the mental health industry for not seeing whatever they didn’t see, or the gun lobby for being the gun lobby, let’s also take a damned close look at the entertainment industry.

For a start, over the next few days listen closely to the lyrics of your music, and ask yourself how many of them talk about “ownership” or “heartbreak” or “no one else for me”. From John Lennon’s “Woman”, to every country song that’s not about drinking or a truck.

See, here’s the thing. There are some amazing relationships out there, but none…NONE…of them are more important than the individuals within the relationships. That’s not how we’ve been raised, though. From music to movies to television, even to books, we’ve been taught about “soul mates” and “split-apart hearts” and “perfect mates”, and it’s all BULLSHIT.

LOVE isn’t bullshit, what’s bullshit is that there’s only one truly great love in a person’s life, that without that person, we are incomplete, worthless. Of course, when we lose a great love our hearts break and we feel less than we were with them. We feel incomplete. That’s natural and the big risk of falling in love. The whole was greater than the parts…but the removal of one part does not negate the remaining parts!

Stop waiting for your soul mate.The great myth is that life is over when that love leaves. It’s not. It might feel like it. It might hurt like hell, especially if the two hearts were intertwined in all the best ways, but the cool thing about humans is that we’re resilient. We survive. We can even bounce back.

But we train our children from a young age that life begins and ends with finding a mate. Maybe you didn’t do this to your children directly, but the movies, the books, the shows you shared with them, did. No date for the prom? You’re a loser. A virgin at 20, you must be ugly and worthless. Not married by 25, you must be gay or a freak or both.

Even our language indicates that a relationship equals ownership. “She is MY…” “He is MY…” “I HAVE a…”

I’m not pointing a finger at anyone else without pointing one at myself, too. I’m the biggest romantic on the planet. Just read my stories. But I also know that for every time my heart was torn out of my chest, it found its way back home, eventually.

I’m not saying we need to stop writing/producing/singing love stories, we just need to teach our children that life doesn’t begin and end with one other person, so that they grow up with a healthy attitude toward relationships.

Finally, to all my friends who have lost their spouse, their partner for life… I send sincere hugs. Your pain is real and valid and sometimes bigger than you are…but it is not more IMPORTANT than you are.

My rant is done. Hug your loved ones. And if you don’t have any loved ones, hug yourself…because your value is just as great.

Ciao for now.

T-Bone.

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How to Know When It’s Okay to Kiss a Corpse

Posted in (Almost) Totally Useless How-to Guide with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2010 by tgmreynolds

Is it okay to plant one on a passed-away one, to smoochie the bouchie of a corpus not-so-delicti, to do it to a deady, to have at ‘er with a cadaver, to kiss a corpse?

If it is okay, under certain circumstances, what circumstances would permit such a thing? And how far should the kiss go? Where’s the line between a tender ‘good-bye’ and an unrequited, passionate ‘hello there’? At what point do you go from ‘survived by…’ to ‘Hello Dolly! Fancy a cold, stiff one?!’ ?

I’m not going to tell you what my idea of  ‘too far’ is for a corpse kissing any more than I would tell you to back it off a bit if you kissed a breather (unless the breather is me) but I would guess that if you keep it brief and tongue-free, you should be pretty safe in most situations.

Neither my culture (UK-Canadian beige) nor my religion (Anglican/Catholic Lite) forbid me from kissing the cheek of a departed loved one, so at least my places in society and Heaven won’t suffer because of it — at least until I do something stupid and get on one or the other’s shit list.

Dad in Banff in 1980

Dad in Banff in 1980

So, based on my personal experience, it’s okay to kiss a corpse when it’s your father and you’re saying good-bye for the last time. I gave Dad that last kiss on the cheek twenty-six years ago this week. I would have done the same for anyone I cared so deeply for that the ache of their absence can still periodically flood back after more than a quarter century later.

TO SUMMARIZE: It’s okay to kiss a corpse:

  1. When you love them.
  2. When it doesn’t violate any of your (or the corpse’s!) cultural or religious mores.
  3. After the body is prepped for viewing OR on the battlefield after the deceased gave their life to save yours.
  4. When you’ve stopped crying, so your tears don’t mess up the corpse’s make-up.

And that’s all for this week’s morbid “How To”.  Aren’t you glad you asked? *L*

Ciao for now.

Tim.

P.S. Miss you, Dad.

(Next Week: How to Catch a Rabid Squirrel (and why!)

www.tgmreynolds.com

Words & Images Copyright Timothy G.M. Reynolds

The Cynglish Beat: Beat Down

Posted in Cynical Poetry with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2009 by tgmreynolds

This poem is my modern homage to Jack Kerouac’s concept of being beat down, to being suppressed, by things and people and events. I was blown away by his novel On The Road and wanted to say something in return, with it modernized and personalized. (This is in no way comparable in depth or quality to Jack’s writing’s.)

~TR

CAUTION: Contains adult language and situations. Not for young or sensitive readers.

BEAT DOWN

Generation after generation of knocked down, put down, beat down world.

Beat down by women,

by men,

by addictions,

by pleasures,

by pains.

Beat down by government,

by educators,

by administrators,

by in-laws,

by outlaws,

by outlawed in-laws ignoring restraining orders.

Beat down by laziness,

by procrastination,

by living by the clock,

by living by the cock,

by living by the pussy.

Beat down by too many rules,

by the lack of rules,

by the lack of respect for

others,

by a lack of respect for

yourself.

Beat down by disorganized

healthcare,

by a lack of healthcare,

by children,

by no children,

by all children.

Beat down by new technology,

by old technology,

by having no tech

in a high tech world.

Beat down by auto repair,

by auto insurance,

by auto envy,

by autoerotic

asphyxiation.

Beat down by bus schedules,

by court schedules,

by bail for the innocent,

by parole for the guilty.

Beat down by lost keys,

by lost wallets,

by lost innocence,

by lost love,

by lost interest.

Beat down by friends,

by family,

by strangers, ­

­­by strange friends,

by stranger family,

by estranged family,

by pre-arranged family,

by re-arranged family,

by totally deranged

family.

Beat down by Ego,

by Id,

by insecurity,

by lack of security,

by Homeland Security.

Beat down by literalists,

by conservatives,

by liberals,

by Republicans,

by Democrats,

by gays,

by straights,

by fence-sitters,

by babysitters.

Beat down by fat kids,

by skinny kids,

by kids who climb on

rocks,

by tall kids,

by short kids,

even by kids with chicken pox.

Beat down by Smurfette,

by Chandler Bing,

by Wisteria Lane,

by Oprah,

by your inability to turn

off the TV, get off the

couch and get a life!

Beat down…and kept down by the self.

~

An excerpt from the upcoming The Cynglish Beat by Tim Reynolds, from Cometcatcher Press.

All words and images here are Copyright Tim Reynolds.