Archive for March, 2010

Stand-Up Comedy & Life: Be Yourself

Posted in Stand-Up Comedy & Life with tags , , , , on March 30, 2010 by tgmreynolds

Excerpted from Stand Up & Succeed by Timothy G.M. Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press.

A True Story:

Nothing makes a hitchhiker cry faster than when you turn to them as you get pulled over for speeding and say “Reach into the glove compartment, take out the gun, and hide it under your seat” — and nothing makes a County Mountie in his mirrored aviator shades more suspicious than a weeping hitchhiker.

~TR

“Be yourself — if you’re a funny human being and you’re just being yourself up there, you’ll succeed.”

~Steven Kravitz~

First, know yourself — your strengths and weaknesses alike. Then just be sincerely yourself. Relax, be true to You and when Success hits home, it’ll stick like it was always meant to be there.

That’s it, that’s all.

Ciao for now,

Tim.

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The Cynglish Beat: Phantom of the Wallet

Posted in Cynical Poetry with tags , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by tgmreynolds

This is one of the poems which is not excerpted from upcoming The Cynglish Beat by Tim Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press, but it might be in the next one.

PHANTOM

My lady woman dragged me, pulled me, coerced me

to sell pints of blood, make some bucks and take her

to see Phantom of the Opera.

Which, I shouldn’t have to say, was not is not on my list

of ways to spend time while visiting family in T.O.

So I shave, we dress, we take the subway way downtown.

Next thing I know, he’s up there singing

“Floating, falling, sweet intoxication”

And I’m bored in the nosebleeds thinking

“Kill me slowly, I’m wasting my vacation.

Could have seen the peelers

or gone to watch the Leafs lose,

But here I am sitting on my ass,

Watching a singing freak in a mask.

Closed my eyes and she hit me,

‘cuz I started to snore…”

So I went out to the lobby for a beer.

~

Ciao for now,

Tim.

Stand-Up Comedy & Life: Etiquette

Posted in Stand-Up Comedy & Life with tags , , , , , , on March 24, 2010 by tgmreynolds

Excerpted from Stand Up & Succeed by Timothy G.M. Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press.

“The most important thing that seems to get neglected is etiquette. No one seems to teach it or cares to learn it, yet it is the make-or-break of the industry.”

~Terry Hollas~

More and more these days I’m seeing a complete lack of the basic social rules that separate us from savages. We have an entire generation who has no qualms about spitting on sidewalks, shoving their way through crowded doorways, and not giving up their seats on the bus to the elderly, the infirm or even expectant mothers.

Can anyone tell me what kind of Success is possible when we don’t even respect each other? The fix? Don’t just lecture the young — lead by example; and try to spend more time interacting with your children so they get imprinted with that positive example. If we Succeed only as individuals, we fail as a society.

That’s it, that’s all.

Ciao for now,

Tim.

BOOK NEWS: The Pod Complex: A Dragon Moon Press Podthology

Posted in Books Books Books with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2010 by tgmreynolds
Podthology cover by Kari-Ann Anderson

The Pod Complex - A Dragon Moon Press Podthology

It’s time. The final countdown is happening. The first Dragon Moon Press Podthology: The Pod Complex, is off to the printer and soon to be hitting the shelves.

WHAT: An anthology of short fiction originally from the podosphere as well as five pieces about the phenomenon of podcasting itself.

WHO: Well, I edited it and have a couple stories in it, but here’s the table of contents just so you can see who has contributed and what you might find between the covers:

INTRODUCTION  by Tim Reynolds

FOREWORD  by Tee Morris

STRANDED by Phil Rossi

A PINT TO PROPHESIZE by Marie Bilodeau

COLD DUTY by J. Daniel Sawyer

FRACTURA by Jack Mangan

THE BAG MAN by Scott Sigler

WHAT THE DAMNED OWE by Jared Axelrod

SALVATION by Mike Bennett

CHUCKLES MULROONEY, ATTORNEY TO THE DAMNED by Scott Sigler

CREATURE OF GOD by Jack Mangan

ANGELS UNAWARES by J. Daniel Sawyer

THE CURSE OF THE FORWARD-THINKING GENTLEMAN by Jared Axelrod

PIRATES OF THE CRIMSON SANDS by Justin Macumber

THE MAN IN THE RAIN by J. Daniel Sawyer

DEATH OF THE MACHINES by Emerian Rich

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL by Tee Morris

HERO by Scott Sigler

SOAPBOX 1.1 by E. A. Zefram

UNCLE JULIUS by Timothy Reynolds

EYES HAVE IT by JD Williams

ELECTROFUNKSEPPUKU by Jennifer Rahn

FROM ANNA TO YOUSEF as reported by Alex T. Crisp

All great stories, from writers around the world. I expect The Pod Complex to dominate the awards for 2010 when the nominations are announced over the next year or so. From the cover to the terror to the humour… a new series of anthologies is making its presence known in a VERY big way.

Keep an eye here for updates because as soon as the book is available, I’ll be posting the news everywhere.

And for those with discriminating taste in great art, the cover was painted by Aurora Award-nominated Winnipeg artist, Kari-Ann Anderson.

Ciao for now,

Tim (editor with a Pod Complex).

Join the FaceBook group for all the updates: A Dragon Moon Press Podthology: The Pod Complex

Stand-Up Comedy & Life: Family Network

Posted in Stand-Up Comedy & Life with tags , , , , , on March 16, 2010 by tgmreynolds

Excerpted from Stand Up & Succeed by Timothy G.M. Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press.

“Be around comedy every week.”

~Matt Billon~

Don’t live in isolation. Learning from your peers is one of the things you can’t do alone in a room. Another is face-to-face networking.

But there’s a network that too many of us forget about — the network of our families. Every day we work, play, tinker on our cars or bikes or computers, take our pets for walks, our kids to soccer, our spouses to dinner, but we move away from the networks which made us who we are.

You don’t have to be around them every week, but somewhere in your ‘original network’ there must be one or two individuals who you can stand to send an email to every couple weeks just to see how life is treating them.

Be a successful member of your family network.

The Cynglish Beat: My Own Howl

Posted in Cynical Poetry with tags , , , , , , , on March 12, 2010 by tgmreynolds

Excerpted from upcoming The Cynglish Beat by Tim Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press.

MY OWN HOWL

My own raging,

screaming,

laughing,

giggling,

ranting,

why-can’t-they-fix-it,

why-did-I-do-it,

messed-up-world howl.

The messed up world, where the rich get filthier, the filthy get poorer

and the weight of it rests on the over-burdened shoulders of the middle man,

or the middle woman,

or the middle person,

or the meddling person who thinks the world needs to be gender-fricking-neutral.

Vive la difference! And when we’re done vive-ing, howl.

Howl that the sounds of great literary minds are lost in the cockamamie cacophony of

not-even-close-to-reality shows;

Lost to the tsunami of navel gazers who can’t help themselves so they turn to self-help gurus to turn themselves into unexperts doing the unexpected.

Howl one long howl at the headlines of today!

At the line of heads, today, bobbing in disagreeable agreement because the jobless rate hit ten percent,

The budget for new cops has

been cut,

Earthquakes kill thousands,

A bishop possesses porn,

And howl because three newborns and a woman were found dead in an apartment!

Howl, dammit, howl.

Howl that a generation

doesn’t know

Kerouac from karaoke,

Doesn’t know

Ginsberg from ginseng.

Howl, baby, howl that more countries don’t execute their drug dealers and crime lords,

Then howl, man, howl that those same executing countries

fuck it all up by treating women as anything less than the goddesses they are.

Howl that religion rules everything and fixes nothing.

Howl that so many voices speak for so many Gods

and yet they can’t hear

the voice of their own God

when a baby cries,

a child starves,

a victim begs

“please don’t”.

My Howl

My Howl

I howl at beautiful faces fronting ugly souls,

at powerful faces

with no souls at all.

I howl that we have to pay for water and education and health care…

these three things disoriented are.

I howl that armies of drones create castles of gold

on a foundation of sin

and blood

and oil

and diamonds.

I howl that we still get shocked and dismayed day to day that a great mind

was a fag or a dyke or,

God forbid,

Simply not one of the narrowly-defined little party who runs this mess.

Lynch?

Ruin?

Censor?

Burn?

Destroy?

For thinking outside the box?

For forgetting about the damned box?

Fuck the box.

And The Book it rode in on.

I howl that we have to put up with shit we don’t care about.

Then I howl that ignorance breeds intolerance like the intolerant breed the ignorant…

and the cousins keep marrying cousins.

I howl that crimes against money are punished harder and faster

than crimes against children.

I howl at those who won’t howl and expect the world to fix itself.

I howl at those who do nothing but howl until deafness descends on ears and souls.

Deaf souls, dead souls, sold souls, rented souls, lease-for-life-with-an-option-to-buy souls.

And I howl that a Big Mac tastes so damned good but I can’t get one for breakfast.

~

Stand-Up Comedy & Life: Coming Back for More

Posted in Stand-Up Comedy & Life with tags , , , on March 9, 2010 by tgmreynolds

Excerpted from Stand Up & Succeed by Timothy G.M. Reynolds from Cometcatcher Press.

“Comedy is like trying to sell the audience on a vacation. Your opening lines are the brochures to get them to come on the trip. At the end they should have had such a great time they’ll want to come back.”

~Daryl Makk~

Folks, isn’t Success simply wanting people to come back for more? More of your comedy, more of your product, more of your service, more of your sparkling personality, more of your . . . whatever!

There’s nothing we love more than a great vacation, so, no matter what you’re aiming to Succeed at, do it so well that people just have to come back for more.